The "Right" Type of Support

Uncategorized Mar 23, 2023

What if you could expand your circle of support? 

I wasn't always great at asking for support, but...

...that all changed when I approached my forties. Life changes—like leaving a 20+ year corporate career, starting a heart-centered business (not something that my undergraduate or graduate degrees really addressed), caregiving and grieving a ton of losses, sorting out a few moves in between, then trying to mitigate the isolation during a pandemic—all prompted me to...

....gain more mastery with this skill and reach out to a variety of individuals.

Rather than looking solely at credentials, I noticed signs.

Rather than focusing on resisting the frustrating physical symptoms that showed up along the journey, I got curious and explored a variety of unconventional healing modalities (many leading me to become a provider myself).

So much of what I learned was how to tune into my body to see what resonated with me energetically, and to ask the universe to light the way. Sometimes I ignored my body's signals, but then I learned from those experiences and continued to hone my ability to trust my internal navigation systems.

If you could expand your circle of support, who would you invite into your space? What does the "right" type of support look like to you?

I was recently asked about the difference between coaching and psychotherapy, and where my work fit in.

My default response was the one that I learned, eleven years ago, during my life coach training: therapists tend to work with the past, while coaches tend to be more future-oriented

As the words left my mouth, they didn't feel quite right. While generally true, if I had had a chance to elaborate, I would have shared more about what I learned, specifically how a coach supports their clients through the four phases of the change cycle (as referenced in Martha Beck's book, Finding Your North Star). From the time a client reaches out for support—typically after a crisis, opportunity, or series of internal shifts that make it difficult to maintain an old identity—they'll find themselves in:

  • Square One where they need a safe container to dissolve what is no longer serving them so that new truths can come forward.
  • As they start to connect with their soul's desires, they'll move onto Square Two where it's about dreaming up new ideas and ways in which they can move forward.
  • A coach can then support them in Square Three, which involves taking action so that their dream can become real.
  • Lastly, a client can shift onto Square Four, where they can reap the rewards from the changes they've made, and apply what they've learned as new changes occur. 

This process is not linear. For example, a therapist, or coach, may be called upon when the client starts to implement their plans (Square Three) and a variety of limiting beliefs and dense emotions arise—prompting the need for the container of Square One where the energy to be released in a safe way. 

Therapists are typically known to focus their time in Square One, and more and more are expanding their skillset to include parts work and somatic therapies that address trauma patterns in the body, as well as mindfulness practices, and coaching, to support a client in moving forward with their intentions. For example, one of the first therapists I went to taught me how to meditate, which offered the energetic support I needed to handle some stressful situations as I navigated my way through the cycle of change. 

Likewise, I know many coaches (including myself) who have received additional certifications and training that offer enhanced support during Square One. For example, while I offer general life coaching, I also help clients bring their nervous system into a state of connection through energy healing and somatic therapies (e.g., Reiki, Tension Release Exercises -TRE) so their fears won't have as much influence over them, and they can see a truer list of choices available. In addition, in the pursuit of healing my own chronic fatigue and back pain, I picked up a variety of modalities that facilitate healing the protective patterns that have kept me disconnected and contracted (e.g. Mind-body coaching, parts work, TRE, shamanic healing).

Given these changes, it's clear that therapists and coaches alike are seeing a greater need to address the mind-body-spirit-heart connection, so the best question you can ask yourself is what kind of support do you need, then look at the following variables to determine the "right" type of support for you: 

  • Are you looking for a particular result? If yes, what does that look like?
    • Relief from frustrating physical symptoms, including fatigue? 
    • Relief from unconformable emotional states (grief, overwhelm, anxiety, depression)?
    • Relief from addictions and coping mechanisms that are no longer serving you?
    • Attracting new clients for your business, finding a new job, or calling in a new relationship? 
  • Are you looking for a specific experience (modality)?
    • For example, if you are experiencing back pain, do you want to go to a massage therapist, a doctor, a chiropractor, or someone that explores mind-body syndromes?
    • For example, do you want to connect in-person, over Zoom, or over the phone?
  • Are you looking for a particular type of person (gender, background, experience with your concern...)?
    • For example, do you want to find someone who would get you (Who has been where you are)? Do they need to understand narcissistic abuse, or need to have experienced/overcome a physical issue that you want to heal, or perhaps you'd like to connect with someone who understands the concerns of those in specific communities (e.g., POC or LBBTQ)? 
    • For example, how do you want to feel when you are in their presence? Each of us brings a set of gifts to the table with our own unique way in which we express them, so it's okay to notice if/when someone resonates, and it's okay to notice when you need another person in your circle of support. 

Asking these questions may seem like a no-brainer; however, they can be neglected when we get busy, or when when we think that we don't have options, so I invite you to take a moment and...

...ask yourself, what would it feel like if I was fully supported? What actions might I take from that feeling state? 

Once you start clarifying, and asking for, what you need and desire, you just might find that the universe connects you with the resources available!

Thank you for being here.  If you'd like to gain clarity on the "right" type of support for your needs, please feel free to schedule a free clarity call where we can review what you want to bring into your life, what may be getting in the way, what resources may be most helpful, and whether we are a fit (no obligation to invest)

About Kelly


As owner of Whole-Self Wisdom Coaching, Kelly is passionate about supporting empaths who want to expand their circle of support and experience relief from overwhelm, tension, and exhaustion. Whether it’s through private coaching/facilitating energy healing, or facilitating groups/speaking engagements, she creates and holds a space for them to know the power they hold to free up their energy and create a life of connection, fulfillment, and joy.
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