Freezing, and the Fear You Don't Have Choices

When you live in a dualistic paradigm - of right, or wrong; good, or bad - perception is limited.  It's challenging to see beyond what you've been told to believe, and you can even be made wrong (or crazy) if you believe anything different. 

It’s natural though - to be playing out this dance of duality.  There's no judgement either way - good, or bad - because it's a very fast way to create change.  When you see what you don’t want, it reveals your true desires, which takes you into a higher frequency where you can begin to summon the courage needed to move forward into a new way of being. 

For empaths, however, it hasn't always felt safe to ask for what you need, or want, let alone follow through on those dreams.

Because you can feel others' emotions as if they're your own, you may have learned to take on a lot of responsibility - people-pleasing, soothing, problem-solving, performing, etc. If you didn't focus your energy in this way, someone might get angry, upset, or anxious - and you'd feel that dense, uncomfortable energy in your body.  And if you weren't able to leave the situation, or do any of these activities, you might feel helpless.  If others' emotions and the circumstances around you felt overwhelming, you might freeze and dissociate. Your mind would then try to make sense of your body's reaction and say, "I don't have a choice (to leave, say, or do something to care for myself)."  

Can you relate?

The fear of freezing, and that you won't have choices, is a common fear.  It can be overcome and even lead you into a new way of being.  The question is, "How can you see the true list of choices available when you're frozen and dissociated?"

Heal the hooks

In order to see that you have choices, you'll need to be in a state of relaxation and connection; however, if you're noticing your thoughts (e.g. I should be doing...) conflict with your body's signals (e.g. fatigue, back pain...), it's an indication that you're hooked to the past.

In his book, The Body Bears the Burden, Dr. Robert Scaer says, "Dissociation would in fact be the altered state of perception produced by a specific (dissociative) capsule, triggered by an internal or external cue related to specific procedural (motor skills) or declarative memory (facts, events) of that capsule and impinging on and corrupting the present moment" (p.93).  In other words, if you heal (dissolve the dissociative capsules of emotions, distracting thoughts and somatosensory memories of the past) the hooks (when capsules are triggered by cues in the present that represent dangers from the past), the present moment won't be interrupted.  From that state, you can see a truer list of choices available and determine what you need and want to care for yourself. 

Know the Signs

  • If you have any difficulty responding to the following question, you may have some hooks to heal: "What does your dream life look like?" 
  • If you think you "have to" or "should" do something, these thoughts could be a sign of past conditioning that's no longer serving you.
  • If you are experiencing chronic fatigue, or tension in your body, you just might have a few hooks ready to be honored and released. 

Create the Conditions for Seeing the Choices Available to You

Somatic/mind-body coaching, shamanic healing, and Tension Release Exercises (TRE) are some of the modalities that can facilitate healing the hooks, but feel free to read on for ideas on how you can create conditions for healing on your own. 

  1. Find a safe space. When it’s loud, or there’s a lack of beauty in the space, it can cue danger to your nervous system.  If you want to release old conditioning, you need to feel safe.  That way, the fragments of denser energy can move through, and you're more likely to see new options come to light.
  2. Connect with your intention.  Setting, or reconnecting with, an intention can help you interpret and trust any intuitive guidance you receive about your choices.
  3. Connect with you Higher Self.  You're always connected with your Higher Self, but bringing awareness to this connection can help you to feel supported. Imagine your Higher Self cheering you on.  What would he/she/they say? 
  4. Consider whether you're asking the "right" question. If you ask a question like, "Which doctors can help with my back pain?" it will give you a different list of choices than if you'd asked, "What options are available to heal my back pain?"
  5. Brainstorm a list of choices available to you - including those choices that don't resonate with you, and the choice for continuing with the status quo. That way, you'll have an expansive list and can see which ones align with your intention.

There is something about just knowing that you have choices.  This awareness alone can calm the nervous system, and melt the frozen energy that keeps you hooked in the past, but if you could use some support, please reach out to me, or someone who can hold a space of non-judgement and cheer you on as you recognize the power you hold to see the choices available to you!

Thank you for your service!

P.S.  Do you want to make a difference, but feel overwhelmed and exhausted?  Check out my free "Check-in Checklist to flow with Your Life Purpose" and my "Do Nothing Meditation" at: www.kellycmullen/gifts

P.P.S. Feel free to share this post to your social media accounts!


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