Don't Fit In?

It makes me smile when I hear a new client say something along the lines of, "I so resonated with your website and just felt that I needed to reach out to you."

If they only knew what it took for me to get to the point of sharing the copy that's on my website, especially my Home and About pages!

To attract the clients I could best serve, I needed to write—and then share—an authentic expression of my journey, including my experiences in the "Ordinary World" where I spent most of my time before pursuing the path I'm on now.  It took over a decade of gaining more and more clarity, but there was resistance along the way.  Fortunately, I received support from a variety of coaches and healers (including modalities that I completed training in) to heal from my time in the "Ordinary World." 

In his description of The Hero's Journey, Joseph Campbell describes the Ordinary World as a world where the hero is lacking something, or something is taken from them.  I would also add that this is the stressful world of the status quo, of meeting others' expectations at the expense of my own, and not fitting in. 

Have you ever felt as if you didn't fit into certain environments

What if your experience in these environments actually held the keys to attracting your ideal clients/friends/partners? 

Let's consider the work environment.  So many people have tried to fit into their work environment, but it hasn't worked.  The relationships and experiences that they engage in are like working in a room that feels cramped, and too cluttered for them to move freely.

They are working in environments that feel cramped and cluttered because it seems as if these are the only spaces that are available. It hasn’t felt safe to dream about something new. 

As a result, they've learned to give up/reject certain parts of themselves in order to fit in: They try to make themselves understood, and to meet, or even exceed, others' expectations (performance reviews literally include this language). 

But it's exhausting when they don't have the time and space to dream—to ask themselves what they need and consider what's important to them.  As a result, it's difficult to see what they value, and how those values differ from the values rewarded in their working environments.

The values in the environments they don't fit into tend to be shaped by perspectives of lack (e.g. resources, money, technology, workers, etc) which show up as competition, strength, loyalty, hierarchies and profits—with measures and rewards focused on sales, growth, margins, and efficiencies.

These values perpetuate the belief that the world is dangerous, so patterns of protection form. As a result, the nervous systems in these environments remain in states of defense, and when nervous systems are in defense, it’s not safe to be “weak”—i.e., to be sensitive, empathic, intuitive, attuned to others, and to dream, etc.

So where does this leave those who bring the gifts of sensitivity, empathy, intuition,  attunement, and dreaming? 

They don’t fit in.

The problem is that these gifts—common to Empaths—are actually the ones needed to create and hold spaces that allow people to become free of the patterns of protection that create such stressful environments. 

So what can be done? 

The holders of these gifts can share their authentic stories so that those whom they are meant to serve can break free of their protection patterns and create more peaceful environments that are conducive to authenticity, dreaming, creativity and expression.

Share your experiences of the Ordinary World so that those who resonate with your story can find you.

Returning to the Ordinary World to share your journey is not typically comfortable, but you can engage the empowering perspective of your expansive, Whole-Self. To do this:

  1. Enhance your awareness of the environment:  Revisit what the environment looked/sounded like (were there cues of safety, or danger?), how you felt to be there (overwhelmed? anxious?), and what thoughts you were believing at the time (I should/have to...).  These are all elements that can be included in your story of the Ordinary World, so that those who relate to it, can find you.  

  2. Identify what you needed:  With this awareness, you can see what you needed, or needed to hear from someone, at the time.  Identifying your needs can then help you clarity your values so you can make empowered decisions (i.e. Are your living/working environments aligned with your values? If not, what changes can be made?). 

Give yourself the gift of sharing an authentic expression of your journey!

Whether you're in the midst of a career transition, looking to feel more fulfilled in the experiences you are currently engaged in, or make some shifts in your business, it's important to learn from your authentic story, appreciate it, and share it so that the people (clients, friends, potential partners...) who resonate with it most can find you.

To share your story, you can start by bringing awareness to the Ordinary World where you once rejected parts of yourself in order to fit in. This can be an uncomfortable process, but I can help. 

Join me on February 28th at 6-7:30pm MST on Zoom for a free webinar designed to bring awareness to the key elements in your Ordinary World so you can share it with those who need your gifts and will want to connect with you. 

Click on the button below to register and save your spot! 

Feel free to share if you know of someone who would benefit as well.

Sign Up Here!

About Kelly:
As owner of Whole-Self Wisdom, Kelly is passionate about supporting Empaths—including healers and coaches—who really want to make a difference, but are not sure what that looks like and sometimes experience overwhelm and exhaustion. Whether it’s through one-on-one coaching, or facilitating groups, she creates & holds a space for her clients to know the power they hold to experience the freedom to flow with their life's purpose.

Click here to learn more:

Instagram:  @kellycmullen


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