Failure, and the Fear You Won't Make the "Right" Decisions

We're counting down the top four fears of an Empath.  If Fear #4 is "Freezing, and the Fear You Won't Have Choices," and Fear #3 is Rejection, and the Fear You Won't be Supported, then what is Fear #2?

Fear #2:  Failure, and the Fear You Won't Make the "Right" Decisions

It's easy for an Empath to feel as if they've done something "wrong."  After all, not only can you pick up signals of discomfort from those around you, but as you make more decisions that align with the frequency of your true Self, the denser energy that you've been carrying comes up for release. This can feel uncomfortable in your body, and so your mind might say, "Something is wrong!" or "I must have done something wrong."

When you can feel others' emotions as if they're your own, it's no wonder you'd learn to rely more on an external compass.  Instead of noticing what doesn't "feel right," and trusting your gut instinct, you looked at cues from others:  Are you feeling another's resistance, or observing a reaction of disapproval?  

The challenge with relying on the reactions of others for your compass is that they don't know what feels authentic to you (which attracts your ideal clients to you).  They don't know your mission and gifts the way you do, and no one else can know what is for your greatest and highest good the way that your internal compass can guide you. 

So how can you connect with your inner compass (so you don't get lost between "right" and "wrong") and make empowered decisions aligned with the greatest and highest good?

The key to accessing your inner compass is to connect with the sensations in your body.  Your body knows your destiny, and yet it can only communicate to you through physical sensations.  Does Item A on your To Do List feel heavy, or light in your body?  What about Item B, or C? Does one feel like "ugh," while the other feels exciting?

The conundrum here is that if you've relied on your external compass, it probably hasn't felt safe to be in your body.  Your mind kept you "outta there," with all sorts of old programs and beliefs that are no longer true, so you could stay on alert, ready to handle any reaction that might come your way.

So, if you find that your thoughts are taking center stage (What SHOULD I do? That doesn't make sense," or "What if they...?"), and it's too uncomfortable to notice the sensations in your body, find some support, and consider creating the following conditions for tuning into and trusting your internal compass. 

Creating the Conditions for Tuning Into and Trusting Your Internal Compass

Be like a little surfer, and...

  1. Plant your feet on the board.  When you bring your awareness to your feet and plant them on the floor, that groundedness can help you to feel safe in your body where you can then receive its signals to steer you in the right direction. 
  2. Get a good "photographer."  Is there someone around you - a friend, a family member, a coach - who can capture the times you shine, or point you to the photos that show your progression? Alternatively, you can take your own mental pictures, recalling the times when you exuded strength and learned something new.
  3. Find your center of gravity.  I don't see many surfers standing up straight. Instead, their knees are bent and their feet are spread apart to find balance.  You can find your center of gravity by taking the surfer stance, noticing your breath at your low belly, and embodying a mantra like "I've got this!" I've also been using, "My authentic connection exudes power and confidence."
  4. Look ahead. When you're surfing (having fun, playing...), there's really no "wrong" decision-making.  If you fall, you just get up, and try again. What kinds of experiences would feel fun to engage in?  How can you make your "To Do List" more fun and carefree?  If you have difficulties coming up with your "Fun List," recall some of the activities you enjoyed as a kid. How do you feel in your body when you recall those activities?  This is a great way to return to your internal compass and the inner child who knows how to play. 
  5. Let go and trust. Are there any items on your "To Do List" that you can let go of? Once you get clear on what you want/would be fun, and start to make decisions aligned with your truth, you'll inevitably experience some self-doubt. Your rational mind might come in and say that it's not humanly possible to surf that wave, but you can come back to your feet, find your center of gravity, look ahead, and ride the wave so some epic pictures can be taken!

So is it "wrong" to "fail"? Is there really a "right" or "wrong" way to do things?

When you're worried about what others' will say, or do, or the cultural expectations that feel exhausting to live up to, this is stress, and when your nervous system is in this state, it is not conducive to playing.

Give the five steps above a try and see if you can get into that state of play - the state where there is no "wrong" decision-making. 

From there, it will be easier to tune into your internal compass and move forward.  Then, when you don't achieve the outcome you expected, you can pivot, and try something new, taking away some key lessons with you. 

And who knows? Getting knocked off your surf board early on might prevent you from hitting the coral reef hidden from your view.

Tuning into your inner compass and trusting your ability to care for yourself is a key objective in my Freedom to Flow program. If you'd like to learn more, I invite you to schedule a free Freedom to Flow Discovery Call with me.  During this time, we'll gain clarity on what's blocking your view, review resources that can get you started, and see if we're a fit.  I look forward to connecting with you!

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