What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do

"How could you not know what you want?"

Some might wonder how it's possible to lack such clarity, but what they don't realize is that for those of us who are so highly attuned to the needs of others, we often have parts of ourselves that believe it's not safe to turn inward and follow through on our own self-care. The result is that it can lead to confusion about where to focus your energy, keeping busy in areas that are not serving you, and withdrawing until you can recharge your batteries. 

So, what do you need and want?  What would be fun?

If this feels challenging to answer, you're not alone. 

After I left 20+ years in corporate—where I was primarily focused on meeting others' expectations—I began asking myself, "What do I do now?" 

Sometimes my ego would pop in and keep me focused on activities to get my coaching business off the ground.  I believed I had "work" to do, so I typically didn't ask what would be fun. 

The problem with this approach is that the lack of fun in my life made me more vulnerable to the spaces, faces and experiences that felt draining.  I'd then need more time away to recharge my batteries—and that was no fun!

So how can you get clear on what you need and want so that your life-force energy can protect you from the denser energies around you? 

I may not have been able to receive clear messages on what would be fun, but I did learn that it was easier to get a response if I asked what would bring me some stress relief—and the first three steps below are all about relaxing your nervous system.

The next time you find that you have some time to yourself, check out the steps below: 

  1. Acceptance - When resting, you may find that parts of you show up and say, "Hey, it's not safe to rest. you should be doing xyz." If this happens, just notice and tell them, "I'm just recharging my batteries so I can be my most expansive self and be of service."
  2. Beauty - Noticing the beauty around you allows you to shift out of the narrow focus that is consistent with states of defense, and into a soft gaze, which is consistent with a state of ease and connection. 
  3. Breath - As you notice the beauty around you, you may notice your breathing changes. What happens when you bring your awareness to your breath? Does it shift from fast shallow breathing to longer exhales from your belly? 
  4. Choices - Ask yourself what you need, or want, and allow yourself to receive various options that look/feel expansive. You can even ask what would be fun and see what comes up (Don't be surprised if it's something very simple and child-like like swinging on the swings). 
  5. Coincidences & Signs - Sometimes it can be challenging for empaths to trust our intuition, but asking for signs and noticing the coincidences can offer validation and encouragement. When you identify a choice you want to follow-through on, ask for a sign, or just let go and notice the coincidences that are aligned with your choice. 

Hopefully, the steps above can give you the space needed to start asking yourself what you need and want more regularly.  As empaths we not only need this alone time to gain clarity on what we need to care for ourselves and what would bring us joy, but we also need this space to recharge our batteries/build up our life-force energy. When we do this, we create the conditions for our bodies to heal, to flow with our life's purpose, and to connect with those who support our most expansive dreams.  


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