We're counting down the top four fears of an Empath. If Fear #4 is "Freezing, and the Fear You Won't Have Choices," then what is Fear #3?
Fear #3: Rejection, and the Fear You Won't Be Supported
When you consider the fact that all human beings are born vulnerable and dependent upon their caregivers for survival (and for many years), it's not surprising that this fear of rejection, and not getting the support you need when you need it, exists in our collective consciousness. Our caregivers couldn't always be there when we needed them, and they didn't always have the skills to repair the tears of connection.
What is surprising is when, as an adult, you find yourself seeking approval/permission/connection from others (to avoid their rejection) - even when it requires rejecting parts of your true Self. For example, do you still need to reject the part of yourself that knows how to experience joy in order to avoid another's jealousy? Do you still need to reject the part of yourself that holds the gift of rest and relaxation, when someone needs you to be productive in order to mitigate their anxiety?
The fear of feeling the physical sensations associated with rejection (tightness, emptiness, queasiness...) are enough to resist taking a chance and moving forward. In addition, an Empath can feel others emotions as if they are their own, so it's understandable that you'd experience a split, and reject parts of yourself that could lead to feeling another's jealousy, anger, fear, anxiety, grief, etc. The fear of feeling these feelings - in the form of uncomfortable physical sensations - can feel overwhelming!
But at some point, rejecting parts of yourself, and living inauthentically, becomes more uncomfortable than feeling the sensations of rejection, or feeling others' dense emotions. You may find that tension in your low back, or neck/shoulders becomes too intense. You might find that the exhaustion (from all of the doing to meet another's approval, love, etc) leads to avoidance and isolating (along with its risk of increased cortisol levels), or you might find that your porous boundaries are risking your ability to make decisions aligned with your needs and desires (not to mention the fulfillment and joy that goes along with that!).
So, are you willing to accept the parts of you that were once rejected? What if I told you that these rejected parts not only contain power/life-force energy, but revealed insights about your gifts and purpose that are now safe to express?
Anytime you're feeling rejected and unsupported (or fearing it), you can use it as an opportunity to reconnect with the parts of you that hold gifts that, for a time, weren't safe to express.
From the perspective of shamanism (the oldest spiritual practice that looks at the spiritual aspect of illness), these soul parts don't usually come back on their own. A shamanic practitioner performs a Soul Retrieval ceremony to facilitate identifying the gifts of a soul part (considered lost, or stolen) and returns it to the client. If this resonates with you, a practitioner, like myself, can facilitate this process. Alternatively, you can create the conditions, on your own, that will signal that it's now safe for a rejected part to return.
Creating the Conditions for Reconnecting with a Rejected Soul Part
1. Create a safe space to relax:
2. Ask yourself, "What is the self-critical thought that I'm thinking and is ready to be released?" The mind often makes a story out of the physiological response that occurred as a result of the disconnection from Self. Ex. "I'm not wanted unless I'm needed."
3. Ask yourself, "What does the related rejection feel like in my body?" Identify the area in your body where you're feeling the most tension and discomfort, then describe the physical sensations.
3. Ask yourself, "What does the related rejection feel like emotionally? If you're new to connecting with your emotions, here are some of the signs that can help you identify what you're feeling:
Note: If you're not sure what you're feeling, start with shame. Shame involves a fragmentation of Self (often to appease another/receive connection) and that's what we're addressing here with the fear of "rejection and that you won't be supported." Here's another tip: If you notice that you're criticizing yourself, it can indicate that there's some repressed anger that needs to be felt and moved through the body.
4. Breathe into the area of tension in your body, and ask the emotion, "What two questions would you like me to ask you?" You might receive something like, "What do you want me to know about you?" or "What is your purpose, Shame/Fear/Anger?" or "What is your helpful message?" or "What can I do to create the conditions that will signal to the rejected part of mySelf that it is safe to return?"
5. Breathe into the area of tension in your body and ask the emotion, "What is your response to these two questions?" Write down the responses you receive (It can help if you write quickly without editing).
Example with Shame: When I asked Shame what its purpose was, I received the message, "To limit your expansion." I then asked, "Why?" and received, "So that you won't make people uncomfortable." There was some more, but you can see how shame ("I am bad" vs. guilt's "I did something bad") can get in the way of your expansion and ability to express the gifts in the parts of you that were once rejected. And when you can express your gifts, they'll connect you to your passion, and with your passion leading the way, others will want to join in - to create a new support network aligned with your true Self.
Note: If any of the above feels too overwhelming, or you are experiencing resistance, please feel free to reach out for support. I offer a free Freedom to Flow Discovery Call. During this time, we'll gain clarity on your biggest challenge, review resources that can get you started, and see if we're a fit.
6. Ask yourself, "What is one kind thing I can say to myself?" The emotion you connected with might reveal a truth that can offer some self-compassion, or perhaps this simple question allows you to receive a new mantra (that even contradicts the critical thought identified in step #1).
There are many gifts in rejection. Not only does it free you, and other individuals (who may have rejected you), up to connect with your respective communities, but it can also prompt you to care for yourself in a way that no one has before. From that state of connection, the part of you that was rejected might return, and you just might notice your curiosity revealing details about the gift it holds and the role it can play in flowing with your life's purpose.
Thank you for your service!
P.S. Would you like to gain clarity on your purpose so you can experience more fulfillment and prosperity? If yes, I invite you to schedule a free Freedom to Flow Discovery Call with me. During this time, we'll gain clarity on what's blocking your view, review resources that can get you started, and see if we're a fit. I look forward to connecting with you!